Letting Go

September 11.  September 11.  September 11.  No matter the year,  those two words conjure powerful images and memories.  I still weep for the losses that happened that day and am thankful when I hear a story of how someone's life was touched or changed that day.  I am thankful for those who tell their stories for it reminds me that it is good to continue to tell my own.  The resilience of the human race enthralls me, but ugh....the part where your story is being written can be so hard.

I was sitting at the kitchen table this morning, soaking in my private pity party and reading my Jesus Calling in hopes of livening my spirits.  John walks in and comments that today is September 11.  I concurred and then John stated that he was only 13 days old when the World Trade Center bombings occurred.  Like the rest of America, I remember that day well. It just feels like a heavy day.  September 11. 

Today, two big things happened in our household....

 Stella Pearl attended her very first Girl Scout meeting.  For two years, she has wanted to be a Girl Scout and this is the first year that there was an opening in a troop at her school.  She had to go to her troop meeting in a classroom immediately after school.  I gave her the room number this morning and then trusted she would get herself there after the bell rang.  (I trusted she could do this without my aiding.  Big deal for me!}  She did get there and she had a fabulous time.

 John Bradley left for Jenks Wild today.  This is an environmental learning camp the sixth graders get to do at New Life Ranch.  Awesome!  He was so excited and I wish him a wonderful time but he won't be calling us for TWO days.  This is a big deal for me.  An even bigger deal that I let them both go off on their own and I was truly happy for their experiences.

I sent John off with the following note in his duffel bag. I hope he isn't embarrassed, I really do.  Even if he is, it's okay!

"Dear John,

In the kitchen we just discussed that you were only 13 days old when the World Trade Center bombings happened.  What we did not discuss is that during that time, Daddy was constantly traveling with his job (on airplanes) and he was out of town when this happened.  I was up snuggling you (because you were my beautiful baby boy and I rarely put you down) - I was doing this when I saw on t.v. a clip of the first plane crashing into the building.  I thought it was some crazy movie I didn't want to watch...but it was on every channel.  I called Nana and as we heard the news, we just cried and cried.  Nana came over and we hugged and cried some more.  I was thinking to myself..."How did I bring this perfect child into this scary world?"  Nana and I took turns holding you tighter and loving you more.  I have learned every day to give you to God and to thank him for the gift of you.  You are too amazing to be held tightly in my grasp!  So today, I do a different kind of letting go as you go on your first sleep away camp - Have a super blast and enjoy every moment!  I love you.

xoxo,
Momma"

Life is just a little of letting go every day, isn't it?  I HATE letting go.  I HATE it because I never know exactly what the outcome is going to be.  But when I do loosen that grip just a wee bit....well, when I do.....when I do.....I can't wait to see what God does with that.  Just praying that I trust his love is better and stronger and kinder than my 'magic wand' that I seem to have lost.

And finally...just for humor's sake (because 'studies show that laughter is healing')....Tonight I could not wait to bathe my blues away in a bubble bath.  I just got settled in, the water temperature was perfect.  I even had a pumpkin spice latte and a great book with me.  Stella Pearl walks right in and says, "Hi Momma".  I say Hi and then I tell her that I am having some quiet time and I'll be out in a few minutes.  She says she'll go but could I just play a game of  'Would You Rather?" with her one time?  (big brown eyes pleading)  I agree to one time.  And it went like this...
 
Stella:  Would you rather have the dreamiest bubble bath with a pumpkin spice latte, a book, big bubbles and maybe even a massage or would you rather have your one and only Stella Pearl sitting with you playing "Would You Rather?",  so that you will not be lonely?
Me:  I'll let you the reader conclude on your own what my response was....helpful hint....
I know now that my baby girl would rather ride a unicorn through the sky than slide off of a rainbow into clouds.  (It sounds fun but when you land on the cloud you'd just fall right through to earth bc the cloud is made of water.)  That's it sister,  stay real!

Be blessed.