Thursday, February 14, 2013

Which way today?

Happy Valentine's morning to you!  Valentine's has always been one of my favorite holidays....not for the commercial reasons at all.  It was even one of my favorites in my young 20's when I acknowledged it by going to dinner with friends, dressed in black to 'mourn' our singleness.  I love hearts and the pink and the sweetness of it all.  Love wasn't put in your heart to isn't love til' you give it away!

I am about to pull my hair out trying to figure things out this morning.  I am scheduled to go to Dallas this weekend to TA for Empowered Parenting.  I was so excited to go.  Thrilled!   I talked to my boss early on to ask for permission to take tomorrow off.  I got permission and have been working hard to save comp time to use.  One of my most favorite people in the whole wide world is facilitating this weekend's class and that is one HUGE reason I want to go.  She doesn't even know it but she mentors me greatly just through her facebook posts.  Getting to be a part of the team she's on is a privilege, I want to be like her when I grow up!  Then, there are the other volunteers on the team that I am so looking forward to working with.  I have formed strong bonds with some of these people and look forward to building relationships with ones I don't yet know.  Most importantly, I feel so driven about the Pathways training as a whole and am in awe of how God uses us as his hands and feet to change lives through this program.  He even uses little ole' me to do this!  Honored am I!  Since my marriage and our family and our children have had their lives drastically changed for the better because of this I want to continue to give back by volunteering as much and as often as I can.  This particular training, (Empowered Parenting) combines Love and Logic (which I have loved since before I was a Momma) with a bit of the Pathways training.  For me personally it helped me understand the reasons for some of my parenting styles and has helped Nathan and I truly parent on the same page and our relationship with each other and with our children continues to grow significantly. 

Being a parent is HARD WORK.  Marriage is HARD WORK.  Personally, I am thankful for all the help I can get.  There is no book on every child, and there is no method that works 100% for every individual.  However, having a blue print of sorts, combined most certainly with God's guidance and a tremendous love for one another sure encourages us along the way.  To get to be a small part of helping people build stronger families and better futures for their children is my passion, of course I am happy to be involved in this training! track.  I WAS so excited to go.  Then life gets in the way and I find myself in the shower this morning singing "I surrender all" softly as I ask God for guidance.  At this point in life, I believe that God meets me where I am and that he is wherever I am - despite if I have made the 'right' or 'wrong' choice.  My fear of him punishing me for making the wrong if I were a chess piece to be manipulated on the no longer there.  Wanting to make the best choice for me and for those around me is still there.

The person I was originally to ride with (whom I feel totally safe and comfortable with) is no longer able to go.  The people I am to ride is sick, one is just getting over a stomach bug and they are leaving later than I am accustomed to.  (I love to have non rushed time to shower and get ready and look lovely).  The 'what if'' are having a little too much say in my head right now.  What if we are late?  What if I have to run in at the last minute looking disheveled and worse, feeling out of control?  What if traffic is bad and we arrive late?  What if someone gets sick in the car or their driving is terrible or........

Then there is my Mom....I haven't even told her yet that I am going.  (I will hopefully speak to her this morning before she she's this blog!)  I feel she is under a great amount of stress.  My Granny is not well right now.  My sweet Daddy has new and different needs to be met and my Mom needs more help than I have been giving her lately.  For this I feel guilty and wish I could do more.  I guess being a 40 year old woman doesn't mean I still don't want my Momma's earnest approval and understanding.

Then there are my Nathan, John and Stella and there is my stuffy cold and annoying post nasal drip.  Oh yes...and the dogs need a bath.

What am I to do?  Pray for clarity and confidence for me, please.  And have a super duper, excellent, full of love and joy Valentine's day!

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