I am so tired, so tired I am. It has been too long since I have written and although I could spend much time analyzing why that is...I think I'll just move forward.
A very wise person told me once that he thought I didn't have hope and if I didn't have hope...how could I dream and create the possibilities? So I've prayed, dreamed about and asked God for a real and confident hope in my heart. And I've become friends with hopeful hearted people...I learn from them.
Things are now coming to fruition that I never allowed myself to dream would come true. For years, I did the opposite of dream; I sunk into the percieved dread of the future. While I still struggle but seeing these things happen before my eyes, I am seeing an emerging hope spring forth from my spirit.
We are adding onto our home. A master bedroom and bathroom means my babies will no longer share a room. We will have a utility room with the washer and dryer in the same area and we will have a home with floors, counters and colors that WE choose. Our son is in 5th grade, our daughter in 2nd. They are blessings supreme. My husband is quitting smoking and he is developing his faith and growth in Jesus. We are vacationing in Disneyworld in October. I will be 40 on September 5....in a couple of weeks. Lord knows I doubted I'd make it to 40. Nathan and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary in Disneyworld!
I am feeling doubly blessed, hopeful and still just a smidgen of that familiar trepidation. But I do have hope for a great future-that is God's promise to me and I'm going to cling to that promise with all my might.
God is good all the time. All of the time, God is good. Just as I begin to 'settle' for what is, he shows me something bigger. I am learning to find contentment in the process...to value the process every bit as much as the answers I seek. It seems the process is often the most important part. A favorite quote of my husband and I....
"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now, perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...Rainer Maria Wilke
God bless and Good night. May your heart be filled with hope and joy and may you live everything.....