Today has been a day that I am writing in my heart, and it's about to get even better. Nathan returns home in about an hour from being at teen camp all week. I have missed him terribly, the kids have missed him tons...but in my heart I know he needed to be where he was this week and am just looking forward to having his physical presence in our home again.
I don't talk often of my nieces and nephews here, mostly because I am afraid if I mention one, another will feel left out and so..... suffice it to say these ladies and gentlemen (some of whom were my 'practice' babies) totally have my heart and I consider it a huge privilege that they actually want to be around us almost 40 people and our young children.
Three of my lovely young nieces spent a night or three with us last week, along with one of their sweet friends. They make my heart happy. I am honored that they share some of their young lady life secrets with me, and they have no idea how very much they teach me. Part of them are here again tonight and a few more will come tomorrow as they do every summer. We will spend the bigger part of this week together, playing in the day and doing VBS in the evening. I'm praying for a beautiful, bonding week for us. I get to see a bit of myself in each of them and be reminded of the ups and downs of adolescence....it's a tough time, truly.
Church this morning was fabulous. Fabulous. Lots of tears, lots of joy, lots of prayer and it just felt good. The sermon hit home with me and resonated with my perception of life so well, other parts of it caused me to pause and challenge myself. I love that!
There are times I am trying to sing/praise/worship and for whatever reason I am not fully there. I think it's usually preoccupation or pride but I love the times I am able to let go and fully be in God's presence (despite or in addition to the presence of others). I sat with one of my nieces who happens to be a snuggle bug and it was a comfort to hold her hand as we prayed, sang and I let my tears flow. During one song, I got out of my seat and knelt on the chair before me to pray. I am much of the time so worried about others thinking I'm a weirdo (finding out if they are going to think that, they are going to regardless) or that I am not doing it 'right', I hold myself back. I had no thought process regarding kneeling to pray, my heart just knew this is how it needed to worship God this morning and there I went...no better way to bask in the warmth of God's sunshine. I love when I am overwhelmed with God's love like this and I ask myself how often he wants to love me like this but I play the come here, get away game like a champ.
There was healing in my heart today with some relationships. That was a blessing.
I'm also getting to the point of resolve and forgiveness in others. I have thought hard, I do not believe forgiveness and reconciliation go hand in hand, nor do I believe forgiveness and division go hand in hand. It is calming after praying and thinking to know in peace where my heart is.
May you find peace in your now, in your tomorrow and in your yesterday.