Today, Nathan and I will be closing on a big ole loan that will allow us to add on and renovate our home. Maybe not big to some people, to us it is HUGE. In October, we have booked a trip for myself, Nathan, John and Stella to go to Disneyworld.
These are things that involve trust. surrender. belief. hope for a bright future. Things I struggle tremendously with grasping and hanging onto. As a matter of fact, I struggle to get my words written right now because my 'what if's' try to creep in. For this moment, I will be taking the power away from my what if's and choosing trust. surrender. belief. hope for a bright future. Apprehension and excitement befall me at once. The apprehension this time isn't enough to squelch the excitement of what's to come, that is a glorious feeling.
The kids don't know a thing about Disneyworld. They do believe we are going to the beach in October but we aren't telling until we arrive on Disney property and they can see. The ancipation for us in surprising them with this gift grows daily, we are experiencing our own child nature in giggling about our fun secret.
Stella often dreams out loud about the day we get to go. John usually tells her to stop b/c we can't afford Disneyworld but we will go to the lake or somewhere small. He tells her by dreaming out loud she will make us sad b/c we can't go to Disneyworld. I wonder what we have taught our children of living and life when I hear them act out my inner struggle. Nathan and I both have on our lifeplan to do this, and we really are doing it. Yes...the money has a zillion places it could've been utilized. As my Mom says (and of course my Mom is always right...especially when I agree!), we will always need money but we won't always have this time to make memories, so make memories.
We have looked for years at houses to buy and have finally decided on staying here and adding on. This was my Grandma's house and it is time to make it ours. It is our home but still her house, if that makes any sense. My children will each have their own room. Nathan and I will have a room with a lock on the door! We will have bathrooms without a bathtub in it that makes me recoil. We will have our home set up how it works for our family, in colors and comforts and smells that are unique to our family. We will have our own furniture, or maybe we won't have furniture at all. We will continue to grow and build beauty and identify how to live out and teach to our children a life of trust. surrender. belief. hope for a bright future.
Happy Thursday, may you hear a God whisper today.
Surely God is Sarah's salvation; Sarah will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is Sarah's strength and Sarah's song; he has become Sarah's salvation. - Isaiah 12:2